The ultimate purpose of managing interpersonal conflict is to grow us emotionally in self-awareness, storytelling, emotional management, and moral and ethical character. There aren’t any apps, searches, or other fancy technological shortcuts for the development of those traits in us.
There is a story (probably apocryphal) that the comedian Louis C.K., burns his jokes, his stand-up material, and his writing after successfully delivering it at the end of each year. This story reads like a corollary to the idea (popularized through the constant repeating of the alleged actions of the Read more…
When faced with a project there are three places to thrash: Early—before the project begins. Middle—as the project is proceeding. Late—as the project ends. When you (or your team) thrashes early, brainstorming becomes a way to develop new ideas. Speed and immediacy become the primary goals of early thrashing: Speed Read more…
When someone asks you for validation about their approach to managing a conflict, what they are really asking for is reassurance that they are doing the right thing. But since validation can only come from gatekeepers, and since gatekeepers have significantly less power in the world now than they ever Read more…
Playing poker with another party who holds the keys to nuclear weapons (literal, metaphorical, or figurative), and has given indications based on experience that they will be willing to deploy them, is a dangerous game. The stakes are high, but not for the obvious reasons of total physical, emotional, spiritual, Read more…
Teutonic organizations believe that size makes up for persuasion. Small organizations believe that persuasion makes up for size. The problem in both organizations is scale, not properly understood. Because your organization, your team, your personality, or your project is large, that doesn’t mean that persuasion is something to be abandoned. Read more…
Worry about things you can’t control and outcomes that are dependent upon other people responding (or reacting) is at the heart of anxiety. Our modern struggle with anxiety comes from three areas: Our desire for immediacy of outcome (or resolution); Our lack of internal resilience; Our impatience with process as Read more…
The person who walks around while the Titanic is sinking, and calmly begins rearranging the deck chairs, organizing the evacuation, and gets everyone off the ship before it sinks becomes, by default, the future captain of the rescue vessel in the North Atlantic. That person also becomes a new Noah. Read more…
Reassurances are the fuel on which feelings of safety run. The overwhelming need for more reassurances often stops us from doing the courageous work that matters. The resistance (the Lizard Brain) is driven by the need for safety, which is why reassurances are so useful as a tool to drive Read more…
The fact of the matter is, there is more content to read and interpret now than ever before in the course of human history. Due to the ubiquity and persistence of Google in particular, and the internet in general, more people have more to read that ever before. The problem Read more…