Rejection comes in a litany of flavors: “We don’t have any conflicts here.” “We deal with conflicts really well here.” “We don’t really need your services right now, but if we do, we’ll give you a call.” “[silence]. Who are you again?” “How do you say your name?” “I don’t Read more…
In a conflict, boundaries are overrun with impunity. Emotional boundaries. Ethical boundaries. Psychological boundaries. When boundaries are overrun, feelings of betrayal and hurt automatically follow because when we have our boundaries overrun, we recognize that the other party has misused and damaged our trust. The number one word to maintain Read more…
Here’s an idea: When you hear an idea that doesn’t appeal to you, doesn’t interest you, or that doesn’t resonate with you, merely say (either internally to yourself or externally to the presenting party) “That’s not for me.” Then add this other part on. “And that’s ok.” Then, either move Read more…
The thing about getting to the resolution of a conflict situation is that it is a long road, from the initiation of a conflict to a resolution of a conflict. And since it’s a long road, the bumps, the twists and the turns are what interests us as spectators. Those Read more…
Caring costs. It costs to be empathetic to your employees’ emotional needs. It costs to be mindful of the non-verbal messages you’re role modeling. It costs to be engaged all the time in the active act of actively listening. It costs to develop connections that gain you nothing in the Read more…
The thing that’s on offer—the thing that’s being negotiated—is rarely the thing that we are fighting over. Our conflicts rarely get close to the core truth of the issues needing to be resolved, which is why management of a recurring conflict situation is a better posture toward conflict than one Read more…
It appears that the large conflict situations in life are the ones that matter the most. Death Divorce Job loss Personal and professional disappointments But the reality is, the small moments that appear to matter the least, are the ones that create the grit and resilience to survive the crucible Read more…
There are two kinds of feedback: constructive and negative. Constructive feedback serves to grow another human being. Constructive feedback serves to provide examples and metaphors that tell a story that can resonate with another party. Negative feedback serves to limit growth, hem in development, and ensure that the status quo Read more…
Generating the courage to confront someone else’s bad behavior is tough. But it’s not the work. Creating a plan to confront someone’s bad behavior, rather than confronting and hoping that the act of doing so will be enough to create the change you want, is difficult. But it’s not the Read more…
When faced with a project there are three places to thrash: Early—before the project begins. Middle—as the project is proceeding. Late—as the project ends. When you (or your team) thrashes early, brainstorming becomes a way to develop new ideas. Speed and immediacy become the primary goals of early thrashing: Speed Read more…