The thing about getting to the resolution of a conflict situation is that it is a long road, from the initiation of a conflict to a resolution of a conflict. And since it’s a long road, the bumps, the twists and the turns are what interests us as spectators. Those Read more…
Generating the courage to confront someone else’s bad behavior is tough. But it’s not the work. Creating a plan to confront someone’s bad behavior, rather than confronting and hoping that the act of doing so will be enough to create the change you want, is difficult. But it’s not the Read more…
The moment when your mind opens, a new idea resonates with you at an emotional frequency you didn’t know you possessed; this is the “A-HA” moment. Dismissing an idea that doesn’t open your mind, that doesn’t resonate with you at any emotional frequency, actively rejecting the effort of the other party Read more…
When someone asks you for validation about their approach to managing a conflict, what they are really asking for is reassurance that they are doing the right thing. But since validation can only come from gatekeepers, and since gatekeepers have significantly less power in the world now than they ever Read more…
Playing poker with another party who holds the keys to nuclear weapons (literal, metaphorical, or figurative), and has given indications based on experience that they will be willing to deploy them, is a dangerous game. The stakes are high, but not for the obvious reasons of total physical, emotional, spiritual, Read more…
Teutonic organizations believe that size makes up for persuasion. Small organizations believe that persuasion makes up for size. The problem in both organizations is scale, not properly understood. Because your organization, your team, your personality, or your project is large, that doesn’t mean that persuasion is something to be abandoned. Read more…
Worry about things you can’t control and outcomes that are dependent upon other people responding (or reacting) is at the heart of anxiety. Our modern struggle with anxiety comes from three areas: Our desire for immediacy of outcome (or resolution); Our lack of internal resilience; Our impatience with process as Read more…
The person who walks around while the Titanic is sinking, and calmly begins rearranging the deck chairs, organizing the evacuation, and gets everyone off the ship before it sinks becomes, by default, the future captain of the rescue vessel in the North Atlantic. That person also becomes a new Noah. Read more…
Reassurances are the fuel on which feelings of safety run. The overwhelming need for more reassurances often stops us from doing the courageous work that matters. The resistance (the Lizard Brain) is driven by the need for safety, which is why reassurances are so useful as a tool to drive Read more…
Clearing out the cruft that surrounds your reactions and responses to conflicts in your life, can take at least a lifetime. Clearing out the cruft that surrounds your employee’s reactions and responses to conflicts in your organization can take at least 20 years. Clearing out the cruft that surrounds your Read more…