Boundaries of “No”

In a conflict, boundaries are overrun with impunity. Emotional boundaries. Ethical boundaries. Psychological boundaries. When boundaries are overrun, feelings of betrayal and hurt automatically follow because when we have our boundaries overrun, we recognize that the other party has misused and damaged our trust. The number one word to maintain Read more…

What’s on Offer

The thing that’s on offer—the thing that’s being negotiated—is rarely the thing that we are fighting over. Our conflicts rarely get close to the core truth of the issues needing to be resolved, which is why management of a recurring conflict situation is a better posture toward conflict than one Read more…

Adding Value

Value is a loaded term. What do you value? Why do you value it? What does the person next to you value? Why do they value what they value? When we aren’t curious about the answers to those questions, we stymie (and in some cases, block totally) our efforts to Read more…

What is the Work

Generating the courage to confront someone else’s bad behavior is tough. But it’s not the work. Creating a plan to confront someone’s bad behavior, rather than confronting and hoping that the act of doing so will be enough to create the change you want, is difficult. But it’s not the Read more…