There is a story (probably apocryphal) that the comedian Louis C.K., burns his jokes, his stand-up material, and his writing after successfully delivering it at the end of each year. This story reads like a corollary to the idea (popularized through the constant repeating of the alleged actions of the Read more…
This post may not apply to you, but consider it a warning: It doesn’t matter how well-meaning you are. It doesn’t matter how intentional you are. It doesn’t matter if, after saying what you said, you respond to another person by saying “Well, you have to understand, that wasn’t what Read more…
The equation that drives change is simple: Dissatisfaction times Vision times First Steps must be greater than the Resistance to the impact of all three combined or else change efforts falter. There are plenty of dissatisfied people in your workplace, your work group, or even just your organization. There are Read more…
The two most difficult roadblocks to success in resolving hard problems are the presence of real trade-offs and considerations of power. Most complicated problems and difficult conflicts have simple solutions. We often confuse what we believe is a hard solution with a complicated one. What makes solutions to hard problems not Read more…
Silence is golden. It also allows space for people to talk. And for you to listen. To actively listen, you must make space for people to talk.
In a conflict, boundaries are overrun with impunity. Emotional boundaries. Ethical boundaries. Psychological boundaries. When boundaries are overrun, feelings of betrayal and hurt automatically follow because when we have our boundaries overrun, we recognize that the other party has misused and damaged our trust. The number one word to maintain Read more…
The thing about getting to the resolution of a conflict situation is that it is a long road, from the initiation of a conflict to a resolution of a conflict. And since it’s a long road, the bumps, the twists and the turns are what interests us as spectators. Those Read more…
The thing that’s on offer—the thing that’s being negotiated—is rarely the thing that we are fighting over. Our conflicts rarely get close to the core truth of the issues needing to be resolved, which is why management of a recurring conflict situation is a better posture toward conflict than one Read more…
Value is a loaded term. What do you value? Why do you value it? What does the person next to you value? Why do they value what they value? When we aren’t curious about the answers to those questions, we stymie (and in some cases, block totally) our efforts to Read more…
Generating the courage to confront someone else’s bad behavior is tough. But it’s not the work. Creating a plan to confront someone’s bad behavior, rather than confronting and hoping that the act of doing so will be enough to create the change you want, is difficult. But it’s not the Read more…