Because we are empathetic people.

Because our attention is limited, and so we believe that when we give another person our whole attention they should reciprocate with caring in kind.

Because we are limited in time and we perceive it as a finite resource.

Because we are sometimes selfish, shortsighted and suffer from the effects of sunk cost fallacies, the Dunning-Kruger effect, and other cognitive bias normality.

Because we believe many times that we are disconnected from others in a meaningful way.

Because we want our, personal, deeply felt sense of “I’m right” to be the same shared, deeply, personal, felt sense of “I’m right” in the other person in a conflict.

Because we look at outcomes to conflicts and issues as zero-sum outcomes with fixed pie limitations.

We take it personally when the other party in a conflict insists, persists, and stick to, their own, deeply held “no.”

And sometimes, we should do the emotional labor of taking their “no” as the answer to the question we were seeking and move on with the rest of our lives.



Sometimes, “no” is the answer.

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